Face Your Fear

I am one of those guys who become ‘a bundle of nerves’ when put on stage. Public speaking is makes me fidgety. It’s not that I am the worst speaker around, but my nervousness really makes me a bad one at times. Ironically, I also happen to be a guy who loves to express. Trust me, this is a tricky combination. Though, you always do not need a podium to express you idea. But to be able to put your perspective of things confidently in public has its own benefits.

I remember my first day in college when I was pushed on the stage in front hundreds of students and teaching staffs. I was supposed to just introduce myself and let in public three interesting fact about myself. And guess what? I did exactly the same but the way I did it was a little interesting. I had my eyes fixed on a corner of the wall and my speech so evidently mugged up that a slightest of interruption would make me recite it from the beginning.

Well, since then I was hardly forced and I never chose to test my public speaking skills. Though I was saved of the embarrassments, it was a 'curse in a disguise'. As I grew in my professional life, I realized more and more the need to be able to express confidently my views and takes on things in meetings, in front of the management and also in front of the client. I would, at times sit tight or go dumb as if it had become a part of my nature. I was often bogged down in a discussion or an argument. Not good!Not good at all.

A sensible friend and colleague came up with an idea of starting a "Communication club" in our office. Here people like me who need to work on their communication skill would get an opportunity to improve. I latched on it.

A few days back I gave a public speech. Good or bad, I don’t know and I don’t care. I was there for a different reason. I was there to look straight into the eyes of one of my biggest fears. I am happy to think that I was able to do exactly that. I am glad that the whole "Communication Club" thing happened and I am making the most out it.

I know a couple of colleague who like me suffer from the same ‘phobia’. But sadly they didn’t show enough courage the take the first step. I wish, like me, they too realize sooner than later that the only way to overcome a fear is to ...face it.

EQ - Your Success-Meter.

I have been reading these “Success Guide” craps for a while now trying to figure out what it takes to be successful in life. Is there any rule for success? Research has shown that IQ (intelligence quotient) regarded as the measure of intelligence is not solely responsible for success. Rather it is not even adequate the measure of intelligence.

In my life I have seen a number of people with high IQ doing well but not exceedingly well. I have failed to establish a relationship of proportionality between IQ and success when I look at the living examples around me. So saying that a child with a very high IQ will surely become a scientist might not always be true. IQ is just the ability to solve logical problems. But does solving logical problem alone guarantee success in life? Well, I doubt so.

Human intelligence has another aspect too called the EQ (emotional intelligence quotient). Emotional Intelligence is how effectively does one understand and manage one’s own emotion as well as those of others. Salovey and Mayer (1990) who defined EI as “the ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one's thinking and actions.”

Have you ever woke up in the morning and found yourself unhappy or uncomfortable for no reason. Nothing has gone wrong so far. Yet your lovely wife wishing you “good morning” doesn’t make you feel so good about the morning. May be the reason is purely physiological. May be you didn’t have a sound sleep. May be yesterday’s stress still has its “hangover”. Reason, whatsoever it may be, is not going to help your day ahead. An emotionally intelligent person is the one who can “let go” and get rid of this emotional state and motivate oneself to make the day ahead productive. A person with a high EQ will have an accurate interpretation of what he or she is feeling and know better how to manage it.

A few days back, I happened to catch red-handed a team member of mine lying to me about his assignment. He committed to have completed the job when it was half finished. This really made me angry and I shouted at him badly. But probably I didn’t react to the situation appropriately. A person more emotionally intelligent than me would have shown more empathy. Having assessed and understood that it is his insecurity, fear and guilt that he was not able to deliver on time has made him lie, I should have used that information to communicate to him and motivate him to do a better job in future. That would have brought the efficient best out of him. That should have been my end goal.

Good news is that EQ is something which can be worked on and improved. This will require constant hard work and focus. There are number of tools available like books, training and even materials on the internet which can help one improve one’s EQ. You will have to put in conscious effort every single day. But surely with every inch of moving forward you will realize that the dividends waiting for you are probably richer that you realized.